Admit it. You’ve made a few remarks to your spouse in the past that have hurt him or her. It doesn’t matter if you made the remark for his/her benefit. The bottom line is, it hurt her/him in spite of your best intention.
You need to tame your sharp tongue since it can create an irrevocable damage to your relationship. You can end up losing your marriage without even realizing it. No matter how much you’re angry, frustrated, sad or emotional, the idea of saying something hurtful is really bad, even though it is for your spouse’s benefit. It can create an invisible distance between both of you. Ultimately, it’ll make your relationship bitter and boring.
Here are the 5 remarks which you should avoid making when you really love your spouse and want to save the relationship.
- “When are you going to get a new job?”
Girls! Don’t throw this line to your husband since this particular line will affect his both morale and ego. Remember, you’re directly attacking his ability to run the family and take care of kids. It’s a downright insult.
If you really want your husband to get a new job, then have a discussion with him on a regular basis about:
- Financial goals
Don’t hit his ego. Rather, have a talk so that both of you can work together and build a good life.
- “I think you should work on your dressing style. It sucks big time.”
So your spouse’s dressing style sucks. He/she has become a laughing stock amongst your friends. You really want him/her to become a “fashionista from a fashion disaster”. But all your hopes are thrown into ashes as soon as he/she makes a public appearance.
Don’t say – ‘why have you dressed like this?’. He/she will feel definitely bad. Her/his confidence level will go down into the drain. Instead of rebuking him/her, give useful tips or better buy dresses that will look good on your spouse.
- “When are you going to lose some weight? You’re as fat as a pig.”
Ouch! This really hurts. No one wants to be compared to a pig. So, think twice before saying this to your spouse and especially in front of his/her friends. Your spouse won’t be able to take it lightly even if he/she smiles before everyone. He/she will either become sad or chase you down like an angry bull later.
Personally, I hate the ‘silent treatment’ simply because it makes me feel neglected, ignored and trivial. It makes me angry and irritated at the same time. And, I’m quite sure that most girls feel the same thing when someone gives them ‘silent treatment’.
If you really want to hide anything to save your spouse from something really bad, then take a short period of time to think about a story before joining the conversation. If you’re angry and don’t want to burst out in front of your spouse, then you need a little time to ‘cool off’ before saying anything. Just take that time out for yourself and then explain everything to your spouse.
- “Be kind instead of being always right”
Understand. Your wife doesn’t scold people unnecessarily. There must be a valid reason behind it. Plus, there is a big difference between being right and being kind. If your wife is right and somebody is wrong, then she has full right to be angry with that person. Don’t raise the ‘kindness issue’ right now. Once she ‘cools off’, you can politely explain to her that she can make points her clear politely too. Moreover, it is humane to make mistakes. So, it’s better to consider the matter kindly.
Love, care, trust, affection, understanding, communication, appreciation and positive criticism strengthen the bond between a husband and a wife. Don’t say anything that will upset your spouse. It’s humane to feel angry or frustrated. Have a regular talk with your spouse so that he/she understands what’s wrong and can make necessary changes.
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Do you shout at your spouse too frequently? Or, has your spouse said something that hurt you badly? Share with us.